Not Enough
by Rapunzel452
Summary: Sango and Miroku hit a turning point... but it hardly goes smoothly.


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Not Enough

_Author's note: I'm torn between two endings on this one - I've got them both here, so if everyone who reads this could tell me which works better, I'd greatly appreciate it. Enjoy!_

She shouldn't be here... all alone like this. She should go back with the others; it wasn't safe out here. At least, that's what she kept telling herself. Sango was more than capable of fending off anything that might accost her out here--but rationalization is a powerful thing, and she was going to use every excuse in the book if it meant she could ignore her real doubts about being alone.

She should go back... the company would distract her. Distract her--she nearly snorted out loud. As if thoughts of her brother could ever be far from her mind. Try as she might, Sango could never fully banish Kohaku from her thoughts, even for a moment. It was useless to fight it; she might as well give in. That was why she was out here now, alone. To give in. To think about her brother, to fully feel all the pain that accompanied, in hopes that there would be catharsis at the end of all this angst. And to continue to ignore the feeling that this couldn't possibly be good for her.

Footsteps behind her made her tense up briefly, but she relaxed when she turned and saw Miroku heading her way. "Want some company?" he offered. At her nod, he settled in the grass next to her. They sat in silence for a few minutes... Miroku watched in concern as Sango hugged her knees to her chest. "I guess 'is something wrong?' would be a stupid question," he noted. Sango smiled slightly in acknowledgement, but it quickly faded. "Do you want to talk about it?"

A listless shrug was the only response, and he decided not to persist; at least, until he glanced over and saw tears streaming down her face. "Sango..."

"I just don't know what to do!" she burst out. "I want to free him from Naraku... I want him to remember me... I don't want him to die, but if that's the only way... god, why did this have to happen like this?" she sobbed. "I just want... I want everything to be like it was..."

The only comfort Miroku could offer was to open his arms, and Sango gratefully fell into them. There was nothing to say; he could provide no solution, much as he wanted to; all anyone could do for her at this point was to simply be there and let her cry.

Gradually her sobs quieted, and still he held her. As long as she made no move away from him, he would make no move to release her. Barely above a whisper, her voice floated up to him: "Thank you."

"No need."

Now, at last, she pulled away. Their eyes met--and their gazes held for much longer than her smile of gratitude warranted. They moved closer again, a mere comforting hug clearly not the intent. Half-closed eyes... parting lips... warm, mingling breaths... and one whispered word:

"Wait."

Sango's eyes flew open, and she quickly drew back. Confused and hurt, she searched Miroku's face for some sign of repentance, or even jest (though so help her, if this was his idea of a joke, he was going to regret it). Miroku averted his eyes, which told her all she needed to know; humiliation swept over her and she abruptly turned away, blushing furiously.

In all his dealings with the fairer sex, Miroku never once imagined he would be the one to impede a romantic encounter. He could still hardly believe the word had come from him; now, however, was not the time to dwell on the unlikelihood of his actions. "Sango..." he began with some trepidation. "It's not what you think."

"Isn't it?" she snapped.

Miroku closed his eyes and sighed heavily. This was not going to go well. "You're too vulnerable right now. It wouldn't be right."

"That never stopped you before," she shot back. "With me or anyone else." Before Miroku could reply, she turned to face him and went on: "You try to seduce every woman you come across--including me, I might add--but when it comes to an actual kiss you back off? What's that about?"

Miroku arched an eyebrow. "You _want_ to be taken advantage of?"

"No! I want... I..." Sango exhaled and turned away again. "Forget it. Just forget it."

But Miroku had no intention of just forgetting it. If this floodgate must be opened, so be it: he would see it through to the end--but he was certainly not going to do it to her back. He knelt in front of her and caught her shoulder before she could turn away again. "Sango, listen to me. Please."

She didn't look at him, but she nodded. Miroku took a deep breath and spoke: "All right. Yes, I have tried a few things with you. But I never _really_ tried to make it lead to anything. And for much of the time I've known you, I haven't wanted it to lead to anything. Uh! That is--" he quickly interjected after she glared indignantly at him "--I have--very much so--but at the same time I realize that it wouldn't be a good idea." He paused here to gauge her reaction.

"Why not?" Sango still seemed confused and angry, but more willing to listen and less inclined to slap him. Encouraged, Miroku continued.

"All those other girls... they're a diversion. There's always something to them that draws me, something I admire--but it doesn't go much beyond that. They're all part of a... a nameless multitude, if you will."

This prompted Sango to roll her eyes in disgust, which Miroku took as a clue that any feelings she might have for him were quickly eroding. He also decided he'd better wrap this up while there was still some friendship left. "But you, Sango... you are so much more than a mere diversion. You are not one of those nameless women; you never could be." There was a startling intensity in his eyes as he spoke. "You deserve far greater than that."

"... What are you saying, Miroku?"

He had been afraid she was going to say that. There was nothing to do but answer plainly. He took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and said it: "I'm saying... that I think I'm in love with you."

Sango's breath caught. To hear that he shared her feelings... it had been too much to hope for. But why, then, had he pulled away from her? Why did he think this wouldn't be a good idea? And his explanation of his other women... it didn't make sense.

Or maybe it did.

Miroku had said nothing more, only watched as her expression sank from elation to confusion, and then into sadness. "I see," was all she said.

"It's better this way."

"If you say so."

"Sango, staying apart is the only way to be sure I'll never hurt you."

"More than you already have, you mean."

He winced at that. Why did we have to do something stupid like fall for each other, anyway? he thought in frustration. "Sango... I care about you too much to let you be with someone like me."

"So I have your heart, and they have everything else. Lucky me." She appreciated his desire to protect her feelings, but that didn't make getting the shaft any less painful. Bitter tears welled up in her eyes, and she turned away. She heard him stand, and presently felt his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. Truly, I am." And with that, he headed back to the others, leaving her alone.

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Author's note: Ok, that's the first ending. When I first thought up this scenario, it included the bit that follows, but there's a lot of finality to just stopping it here. Read on, and let me know if I should keep this scene or cut it off. Oh, and sorry for the internal author's note. Trust me, I hate these too, but it was a necessary evil in this case.

***

When Sango returned to the hut, she found the worst thing she could possibly encounter at this point: Miroku. And only Miroku. He explained that the others had gone to gather more firewood. The pair settled in on opposite sides of the room, both doing their best to ignore the near-palpable tension--though the ensuing silence didn't help any. They sat that way for some time, both unsure what to say--if they should say anything at all. It seemed that it had all been said earlier--except, Sango felt, for one thing. "Miroku... can I ask you a question?"

He was surprised to hear her speak, but he obliged. "Of course."

"All those other girls... did you ever... ever love any of them?" Her voice shook slightly.

Taken slightly aback, Miroku took his time with the question; it was something he'd never considered. "Hmmm... well... I did have a great deal of affection for a number of them. But love? No."

Sango nodded, seemingly satisfied with his answer. "Would you do me a favor?" she asked after a moment.

"Name it."

"Kiss me."

Miroku could only blink in astonishment; this was perhaps the last request he expected. "...Excuse me?"

"Just once, you should kiss someone you actually love. Don't you agree?" She smiled a little, looking slightly bashful.

A small voice in his head suggested this might do more harm than good, but kissing a beautiful woman was not something he was going to turn down. "I suppose so," he answered, returning her smile. He joined her on her side of the hut, feeling an unaccustomed nervousness. After a brief awkward pause, they leaned in as before--and this time, there was no interruption.

The kiss was a gentle one... it did last for some time, as neither Sango nor Miroku was in any hurry to end it. Though neither would make any lofty claims of fireworks afterward, it was a thoroughly pleasant way to spend thirty seconds--and was certainly more significant than either of them cared to admit.

As they parted at the end of the kiss, their eyes met, but only briefly: self-consciousness took over and they both looked away. "Goodnight, Miroku," Sango murmured.

"Goodnight." Miroku retreated to his side of the hut, and the two settled in for sleep.

_I know how he feels... I can be satisfied with that. I must be._

Heaven knows she'd be worth it... here's hoping I can be man enough to try.

The End.

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There's nothing better than affairs of the heart to make you feel so good then tear you apart...


End file.
